Last week, one of my readers asked me about how a Christian man can go about finding a wife with a high enough sex drive within the context of “Christian dating.”
It’s a good question and I had to think about it a bit.
By “Christian dating” context, I’m assuming he means a no-sex-before-marriage situation.
I understand the concern. When you’re a young man, you feel horny all the time and you worry your future spouse won’t be able to keep up or satisfy your urges.
First off, it’s important to understand that “Christian dating”, or even dating in general, is a recent development in the light of human history.
Check out some of the examples of mate selection from the Bible:
So they said, “We will call the girl and ask her opinion.”
They called Rebekah and asked her, “Will you go with this man?”
“I will go,” she replied.~ Genesis 24:57-58
Rebekah married Isaac sight unseen based purely on his reputation.
And Isaac married Rebekah based on the judgment of his father’s servant.
You’ll find examples all through the Scripture where a man simply “takes” a woman that looks pleasing to him (or is judged pleasing by a representative “scout.”)
The point is, marriage wasn’t a big deal like it is today. A man would simply take a woman when he wanted to have sex with a woman. If he had a higher sex drive than one woman could handle, he’d simply take another woman. No big deal. It was like acquiring a house or buying cattle.
This of course, assumes that the man was established. As the Proverb says,
“Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready;~ Proverbs 24:27
after that, build your house.”
If a man wanted a virgin, he’d need to purchase one from her father (which would cost him somewhere around $15K going by today’s silver price.)
Whether or not this was an ideal system is another debate entirely. But the fact of the matter is it worked. And it worked for thousands of years.
Yes, love and romantic attraction would sometimes play a part I’m sure. But ultimately, marriage was always a simple transaction of a man taking a woman to service his sexual needs. In exchange for this, a (righteous) man agreed to:
- Provide her with food and shelter
- Continue having sex with her even when she got old
Since men would typically marry a woman around 15 years younger than him, the second marital duty wouldn’t be too burdensome. Only a complete douche bag would refuse to have sex with a woman who bore his children simply because she acquired a few wrinkles with age.
So for the longest time, marriage was straightforward. It was a transaction to ensure both the man and the woman got their basic needs met.
When the gospel of grace was revealed, nothing changed mechanically about marriages. It’s still based on sex and provision. But the gospel gave marriage a new spiritual meaning. Now marriage is revealed as an act of love and we get to “role play” the erotic drama between Christ and His body.
So things went along quite nicely until some tricky demonic sociopaths decided to f*ck it up for everyone:
Now the Spirit expressly states that in later times some will abandon the faith to follow deceitful spirits and the teachings of demons, influenced by the hypocrisy of liars, whose consciences are seared with a hot iron. They will prohibit marriage and require abstinence from certain foods~ 1 Timothy 4:3
“Marriage” (to marry) in the Greek, is actually written as a verb in this passage. It’s a “present infinitive active” verb which means it describes an ongoing action rather than a one-time event. So the text could be accurately paraphrased as…
In later times, some sociopaths abandoned the faith,
received teachings from demons,
and prohibited men from taking women.
I’ve written about this in more detail in my article “How Western Men Got Cucked by the Church.” [NSFW image]
The result of all this is a hot mess and tremendous shame and guilt over our sexual instincts. That’s what happens when you attempt to artificially enforce a system that goes against nature:
Make of this what you will.
In the mean time, if you are a single man (or a married man who wants to have more sex), I recommend the following:
- Build yourself up to be a high value man
- Learn to transmute your sexual energy instead of rushing into a relationship
- Think for yourself and continue to seek the truth about biblical sexuality
After a few years, you’ll be in a better position to judge what to do.