I recently read an interesting book (summary) called Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad – And the Surprisingly Good – About Feeling Special by Dr. Craig Malkin.
“What is narcissism?” is one of the fastest growing searches on Google and articles on the topic frequently go viral.
Narcissism also is popular in the “manosphere” as being one of the three “dark triad” traits that women find irresistable:
The Dark Triad is typically presented as an inherently manipulative set of character traits that, nevertheless, are irresistable to women.
But some, like Ivan Throne, see the Dark Triad as amoral character qualities that allow a man to impose his will on the world. Since women are attracted to power, it’s only natural that they would be instinctively attracted to the traits that enable a man to obtain power.
The Dark Triad should be of particular interest to Bible-believing men because man’s fundamental purpose is to exercise dominion.
The Hebrew word mashal (rule) is the term used to describe man’s relationship to woman in Genesis 3:16.
Contrary to the public expressions of feminists, a woman instinctively fantasizes about a man exercising “full administrative control and power” over her life and body. This is why Tumblr exists.
(Side note: Man was designed to rule over women, but never other men. However, it is natural for lesser men to subordinate themselves under greater men in exchange purpose and resources… even if only for a temporary period.)
One of the most important questions a godly man can ask is…
How can I increase my ability to rule?
As best I can tell, that question is the entire point of man’s existence. All of our trials are preparing us for rulership in a celestial kingdom.
The Dark Triad is a simplified framework for understanding the core traits a man needs to be an effective ruler (minus love, which is obviously required in the heavenly kingdom.)
And narcissism is the foundation of the triad. It gives purpose and direction to the other two qualities.
So what is narcissism?
If you go with the conventional definition, a narcissist is someone who has an “excessive interest or admiration of themselves.”
But Dr. Malkin argues that this definition is narrowminded and conceals a critical component of a healthy personality:
Yes, it’s easy to make fun of the “special snowflake” generation. But the belief that we have a special destiny or dream to fulfill is actually critical to a healthy & happy existence.
We all like to villify the “raging narcissist.” The guy (or gal) who has no regard for others and makes zero effort to connect with another person because he’s so wrapped up in his own world.
But on the other end of the spectrum, you have the invisible man. He has a low estimation of his worth. He does not pursue his dreams because he sees them as “selfish.” He tries to be a nice guy and privately wonders why he always gets passed over by women or can’t get any respect.
I’d argue that Christian theology conditions men to stamp out any sign of narcissism. And then we wonder why Christian women complain about the “difficulties” of submission.
As Andrew Tate put it,
“If you treat yourself like shit, how do you expect your woman to treat you any different?”
Women want to follow a man who has a compelling destiny to fulfill. If you don’t believe your mission and purpose is more important than anything else, neither will she.
Dr. Malkin says the key is to have a “healthy level of narcissism.” Be mindful of the needs of others, but pursue your own big dream above anyone else’s agenda.
Healthy narcissism is a cornerstone of masculine development. When you combine it with persuasion ability (Machiavellianism) and an ability to take decisive action without pity or hesitation (psychopathy), you’ll have the foundation you need to rule over your realm.